over it.

period.

i just want to be your friend.

you remember when you were telling me how it was sooooooo difficult for you to be his friend, but you really wanted to? thats how i feel.

and im happy for you.really.

can we..

just go


back to the


way we used


to be?

SUSPICION

i could see why you feel it.
it is a little weird how me and him are on perfectly good terms.
but it was the situation.
i guess that i felt that it was my job to hate the ex-boy friend, that by default i had disliked him.
but when all you hear is bad things about that person, when all your surrounded with is legit reasons on why not to like someone, you're going to find your self not liking that person.
dont get me wrong, i still dont like the fact that he did do things that hurt you.
but we talked.
it was brief, but i guess we both got to understand each others side. i have always looked at him as a friend and i really like him as a person. and now that i really have no reason to NOT like him, im not going to watse my time with having enemies. i cant stand that feeling of resentment, so im not going to deal with.
i've decided to just push past whatever flaws of a person, of myself, of the situation, to the side and just focus on having a good year.
like i said before, i dont want any regrets. i just want everyone to be happy. and im happy.
believe me, i still wish i was the person that could hug you and hold your hand whenever i damn well pleased, and i guess i still could, but not in the same way.
i dont know why its this hard for me. it was TWO weeks. thats it.
you would think it would be easy for someone to get over someone they were with for only TWO weeks, but its not.
i guess its because i never had that with someone before. i've never spent a night on the beach with somone or stared at the stars, or any of those memorable things we did.
i know you probably have.alot. but i havent.
godddd there is so much more i want to get out, but this as already gotten really long.
so there.
any questions?

- john hiatt

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me



And when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darling, from a whisper start
And have a little faith in me
And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch you, I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith in me



Cause I've been loving you, for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
Cause for us, there is no end
And all you gotta do, is have a little faith in me
I will hold you up, I will hold you up
And your love, gives me strength enough to
Have a little faith in me

All you gotta do for me girl
Is have a little faith in me

thingy #2

whooooooo. here ya go world:




destined for a soul, drive me out of town.
let all awareness collapse
we are nowhere-bound.
tonight, i promise, we'll run empty streets
yelling banter till dawn
head back to the place where lovers meet.
ignore that exhaustion spreading through your veins,
our minds filled with lyrics,
to keep us from going insane.
can you hear the stars, and the words they whisper?
telling to leave those
memories of the first time you kissed her.
the leaves fall, dragging us right along.
our hidden fears leak,
force our thoughts into song.
this night is never ending,
yes, we can make this last, together.
as you tell me a secret and the meaning of
forever.

ramblerambleonandon

I CANT STOP WRITING.




thingy #1:





this is where it all begins,
in this place where i can never win
drowning helplessly in these forbidden thoughts,
trapped in a place of constant loss.
tell this story to other helpless ones
of my learnings in front of love's loaded guns
and while they listen, watch their eyes
they'll fill with angst from those dead autumn nights.
remember the way i looked at you
and the way it felt to watch the water move.
feel a pain while exploring this heart,
replaying the day we fell apart.
i can still touch you,
but feel the same.
i can still look at you,
and still not know what to say.
but this is where it starts
to end,
where i'll learn to not follow
an awful trend.

THANKS CODY

the second time around

IS fan-FUCKING-tastic.
but i did it to myself.




note to self: dont let yourself fall for people. especially when they just got out of a long ass relationship. dont be there for people who feel "lonely", it'll just lead to things that aren't supposed to happen. two girls. two long ass (yet ended) relationships that have come up to bite me in the ass. thats enough for me. im done.

IM PATHETIC

writewritewritewrite.
about you.about us. about SHIT that i cant control.







i feel fucking useless.









so i was going to give you this flower.it was white. it was beautiful.and reminded me of you.
i picked it this morning. i woke up at 5:30 am. went outside, it was really dark out. i couldnt see much. walked around my street till i found a flower bush, and i adbucted that damn flower from its bush. i was so excited to give it to you later in the afternoon. hoping that it would make you feel a tiny bit better. hoping you would realize that i would sneak out of my house in the weeeee hours of the morning to pick flowers for you any day.
but it died. i carried it with me all day around school. and it whithered away, consuming itself. i should've thought it out. i wasnt about to give you a whithered flower.im sorry.
i hate seeing you sad. i hate feeling like i cant make you happy.i want you to not have to worry about anything when you're with me. i dont like knowing that you are stressing out because of me. i just want to be someone that doesn't let you down.







i just wanted to see you smile.

she can watch a sunset on her own

but i want to watch it with her.
i hope she knows she doesnt have
to be alone.
my mind numb on how to make this
skin thicker.

i havent known her for as long as others,
but i hope she gives me the chance to show
how much that she mesmerizes me,
captivated in a way i've never known.

i can sit alone in darkness
for long hours in the night.
forgetting these ascetic feelings,
if i just have her by my side.

i could be in a crowd of thousands,
but still notice those dark eyes shine.
and feel that unbelievable feeling
that she knows she gives me inside.

i thought this would get harder,
and this time i was right
i know she can watch a sunset on her own
but i'll be with her to watch it rise.

SELF CONTROL

...is a bitch.
and is working against me.
the more i resist, the more i want to give in.


"help im alive, and my heart is beating like a hammer."

damn, METRIC you couldnt have said it better....

its one of those nights...

currently: 1:30 am

where the concept of sleeping is out the window.

when my mind has gotten to that state that i have tried so hard to keep it from getting to.

where my eyes ache from being open all day, but cant conjure up the want of rest.

where each minute drags out, overlapping the one coming next.

when all my emotions have gone blank.

it really is one of those nights, 

that has me wanting nothing but to waste time, listening to tegan and sara.

thats got me considering things i've never considered.

that'll have me craving alcohol's familiar bitter sweetness that i want to believe will fix me.

where the liquor cabinet doesn't seem so far away.

and all i can think about is not wanting to think.

letters from the sky/have a little faith in me/the man who cant be moved

"going back to the corner where i first saw you,
gonna camp in my sleeping bag, im not gonna move.
got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand,
saying 'if you see this girl, can you tell her where i am?'"





what to say what to say what o say what to say what to say what to say what to say what to say. what to say? what to say...

currently listening to one of my favorite songs EVER. and im feelin like an emo kid.
FUCK.IM A HAPPY PERSON DAMN IT. i promise i am.....

i have to be.

finished watching my movie. fell asleep through almost the whole thing. did some trig homework. then some more trig homework. then drank some tea. walked around my house aimlessly. almost enjoying the complete emptiness and silence surrounding me. almost not wanting the "alone" factor to ever leave me. almost.

befousfobaefoaubao8dbo0avnvboswudzkaiuwqiwuoquuwrvvbbfbafiafvaivdiGIWUOROFCNZMA {what's going on in my head}

shitty shitty bang bang

today was not a good day.
gabby is one strong chica.
savannah makes everything better.
my house hates me.
im getting more and more sick each day.
im spending friday night alone.
ill be entertaining myself with homework, more homework, and watching FINDING NEVERLAND.
that is my favorite movie.
i miss cody.
but i keep smiling.
cant waist time complaining.
good night moon.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"it is not what name others call you that matters, but what name you respond to that truely determines who you are."

-Swahili saying


saw this today in class. its a good reminder.

bees, trees, and those god awful weak knees

this thing we've got going....i like it.
i know that its probably going to get harder, but im going to try my best to not worry. not yet. not while im too busy enjoying every second of it.

i'll be honest, if i dont see you at least once a day, my whole week would be unbalanced.

even so, if i did see you that day, but didnt have atleast 5 mins. ALONE with you, all i would think about is finding you. holding you, and those eyes.....

i cant get enough of you. period.

and all those times in your past where you felt as though you needed to change for someone, where you couldnt be every ounce of yourself, just for that other person's satisfaction....you dont have to think twice about that with me. i like you for every bit that you're made of, every crazy habit, your fearless-ness, your spirit, your loudness, your nervousness. i cant get enough.

just be you. its you and your beautifully, disorganized antics that has entrapped me, that has taken over my head, and my heart. dont ever change. not for me. not for anyone.


yours,
andy

this night feels empty, kinda like that bottel in your clenched fist.

slight insomniac.
fight to bring my thoughts back.

there. ready.

i have this feeling that my life isn't going to turn out the way i want it to. maybe its my fear of the future, the fear that i dont have one. but, this is something i can control. something i cant be afraid of.

wow. first blog, and im already getting emotional...
this should be great fun :)