onto me

leaves, fall.
go. a nostalgic fall,
onto me.
beauty, it is
what i have come to
believe.

stars, sing.
scream your melancholy shine
shine onto me.
provided by the sky
when day makes its move
to leave.

wind, breath.
breath your heavy sigh
down my spine,
onto me.
you are mother earth's
hidden, fearful whine.
complain to me.

and i will listen
to your fall, your voice,
your breath.
whilst i listen
i'll embrace onto me
your heaving,
sunken chest.

yes,
on your external beauty,
resides this shine,
exsisting to only calm these
hearts and sullen
times.
as your beauty
internal
proves no innocent theft,
there remains the most beautiful,
life's griefs and
life's death.

pour your beauty
onto me.

pikchaasss (was i really this girly???)

damn....

*sigh


there aren't words that would be sufficient enough......
just. you.
yea. that's it.
you. alaska.

the feeling of water

lets go here.

this week has been lovely. other than the ocassional boring hour and 45 minutes, i have been in a really good mood these past few days. and its just going to get better!

i got the misfits concert on friday then a party on saturday! ish gonna be great.

i cant wait till christmas break. im counting down the days.

did you know...

that when a person appears in your dreams it means THEY want to see you?
and this whole time i thought it was the other way around....
well it still is.

fire + fire =

EXPLOSION.

hm.

maybe later we could go up to the moon,
or sail among the stars before the night is through.
and when morning comes we will see the sun is not so far,
and we cant get much closer to bliss from where we are.
we will go,
to a place only lovers go,
to a spot that we've never known,
to the top of the clouds we are
floating away.

its an elly thing...

when there are things on my mind, that i cant stop thinking about, i have this way of dealing with it. whenever there are things that i am constantly wanting to say to someone, but at the same time dont want to say, i do this thing....
you know that feeling when you've built up all this anxiety and emotion over a certain subject and you want nothing more than to be able to talk to someone about it?.....but then again you could never imagine yourself mentioning a damn thing on your mind because you know it wouldnt do any good.
thats how i've been.
and i havent been able to focus on anything lately.
when this happens, i write a letter.
i write to this person i want to talk to, telling them everything that is on my mind. things that i would never tell them.
it has a heading, its about a page and a half long, or however long necassary, and i sign it at the end.

but i never send it to them.
i never give the person the letter.
thats the best part.
you can spill out everything, emptying it from your mind, in hopes that it wont be the only thing you think about for 2 straight weeks.
i've done this a couple times and it really helps.
i always feel relieved after.
but i kinda lost one of the letters i wrote, and im sorta freaking out.

i think its time to write another one because this is getting ridiculous.

just.get.out.of.my.head.

so much i need to say, so much i want to say, but never do. i just dont know how to say things to make other people understand exactly what im trying to tell them. its frustrating.

just write.


before, i used to just spill everything out and not think about things before i said them.
some of the worst mistakes i've made has dealt with letting people know how i really feel.
its not fun. and never turns out the way i want it to.

i'll just keep writing.
and daydreaming.

i spend 80 % of my day daydreaming

so yea. i've realized that my mind trails off, alot. not in the ADD way, but i am constantly thinking of other things, all the time. im a daydreamer.

and i dont want to sound like a 14 year old boy, but lately i've been feeling like a 14 year old boy. and hahaha im not even scared to talk about...or blog about...or whatever it is im doing.
but i cant stop thinking about sex. blunt right?
well, its true! you know that song "birthday sex" by jeremih? i love it :)
im just...i dont know, but i cant stop thinking about it. i've just been having these urges....cravings i guess you could call them. i cant believe im blogging this, but i dont even care. its not like i want to bone every person i see but....im a daydreamer.

today:
-woke up pissed off
-spent the whole day pretending not to be pissed off
-had a bad day
-dropped everything
-like, i think i dropped my papers, pencils, water bottle, bookbag, atleast ten times today
-i just didnt care about anything today
-didnt want to go to school
-didnt want to go to gsa
-just wanted to sleep all day
-glad to be home

maybe its because i only got 3 hours of sleep last night....

empty

there's no way out, the only way out is to give in.
when there's no way out, the only way out is to give in.
how
i
love
to
give in.

please speak slowly, my heart is learning

"go.
go back to where you are meant to be. i dont want to make you go back to the place where there is no me. its better, i swear its better. am i troubling? i've found the truth. tease the situation, and pull my heart back into you. im swolen, i swear im swolen. the realization of everything falling towards wrong cant stop this want of you in my arms. im broken, i swear im broken. now go. go before i shatter as i fall for you."

-excerpt from a thing i cant remember the name of.

ISS DEEP YO.