its an elly thing...

when there are things on my mind, that i cant stop thinking about, i have this way of dealing with it. whenever there are things that i am constantly wanting to say to someone, but at the same time dont want to say, i do this thing....
you know that feeling when you've built up all this anxiety and emotion over a certain subject and you want nothing more than to be able to talk to someone about it?.....but then again you could never imagine yourself mentioning a damn thing on your mind because you know it wouldnt do any good.
thats how i've been.
and i havent been able to focus on anything lately.
when this happens, i write a letter.
i write to this person i want to talk to, telling them everything that is on my mind. things that i would never tell them.
it has a heading, its about a page and a half long, or however long necassary, and i sign it at the end.

but i never send it to them.
i never give the person the letter.
thats the best part.
you can spill out everything, emptying it from your mind, in hopes that it wont be the only thing you think about for 2 straight weeks.
i've done this a couple times and it really helps.
i always feel relieved after.
but i kinda lost one of the letters i wrote, and im sorta freaking out.

i think its time to write another one because this is getting ridiculous.

just.get.out.of.my.head.

so much i need to say, so much i want to say, but never do. i just dont know how to say things to make other people understand exactly what im trying to tell them. its frustrating.

just write.


before, i used to just spill everything out and not think about things before i said them.
some of the worst mistakes i've made has dealt with letting people know how i really feel.
its not fun. and never turns out the way i want it to.

i'll just keep writing.
and daydreaming.