i feel like shit.

and like throwing up.

im not sick. but you know that way you get when something just happened and you're so pissed off and sad at the same time, but you dont know which one you feel more, and you feel like you dont know what the hell to do. AND like you feel so low and pathetic but have to pretend like you have nothing to say, when really all you want to do is pour out everything, but you know that you could very well lose someone who means alot to you. you feel like you dont want to screw this already fucked relationship up. and the only thing you are sure of is that you arent sure of anything. you know that feeling? thats how i feel.

and i wish i could just call you. i need your voice right now.

but i cant. i cant bring myself to pick up the phone because im too scared that ill just start crying all over again. i dont know what to do.

ill just....