i needed this. we both did.
we both have been holding so much in since my coming out. its about time we both got to understand where each side was coming from. but it was so frustrating!
everytime i tried to explain myself she kept interjecting with some more stereotypical bull shit. and when she kept asking me how far i was 'going to go with dressing like a boy" thing, it was like me asking her how far she is going to take "dressing like a girl" thing. THEN, she goes to the whole,"god made you a girl" crap. that really pissed me off. so what? just because i was born a girl doesnt mean i have to act and dress like the 1930's, dimeaning, skirt-wearing, thing.
i just had to get her to understand that i dress the way i do because i like it. if i liked girl clothes, i WOULD WEAR THEM.
plain and simple. i dont like it. im sorry. thats just not me.
and THENNNNNNN she brings up how i have been turning into a freak since going into GSA.
what.the.fuck.
does she really think that gsa is what is turning me into some creature that she doesnt recognize as her daughter?
that was probably the worst of it all. being called a freak by your own mom.
i just had to ignore that and remind myself that she was just as pissed as me. even though i couldnt really understand WHY me owning a couple things from the boys department got her to act the way she was...
anyway, she said that the only reason she was doing this was because she was trying to understand. then i would just yell back that she is a close-minded, stereotyping, judgmental person who doesn't care about people's feelings.
and she told me she never wants to go shopping with me again. (i wasnt about to protest against that).
she kept asking me what my style was, and i didnt see why that even mattered. i just kept telling her that i was me. elly. her daughter. and that i have my own style. then the butch, dyke, manly comments got thrown at me.
then i tried asking why it even matters, the way i dress. and i kept saying that im elly and it isnt as big of a deal as she is making it. (usually people are telling ME this). and when i said that i am the same little elly that she has known her whole life, she got to even more loud mode. she said i am nothing like her 3 and 4 year old elly. that i was so different. besides the obvious differences, like the physicality part, i AM ELLY. that doesnt matter to her though. she has this set picture of who she wants me to be and i finally told her that i am NOT that person. and that im not going to be. and she said she will just have to learn to accept it. thats all i needed to hear.
god, me and my mom have never yelled at each other like that before.
it felt so fucking good to be honest.
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