Just so you're not freaking out, I will be updating my other blog and not this one. Just letting you so don't expect anyhing on here

today

current mood: tired, slightly uptight.
highlight of the day: having mary from the canvani string quartet say "hit your mom!"
worst part: sister.car.yelling at her.
looking forward to: getting SOLs over with, summer
current "want": savannah
current "need": sleep
focus of the week: get everything for juries down SOLID
question of the day: what are you put here for?
quote of the day: "sometimes you cant see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of other." -ellen

100th post

so today was cool. iguess. chemistry i understand whats going on at the moment but im still scared about the test coming up, like always. taking a test on two chapters issssss greaaattt. triggy trig was cool too. learned stuff. then in english we just looked at this power point about the lord of the flies. which we started today. im excited to read it and i was the clicker hahahah. when i was sitting in english, victoria and alexis sat by me and they were talking about a whole bunch of stuff that i had no idea about. and alexis openly said everyone she is inviting to her party. of course i wasnt one of them. not that i blame her. but she was talking about it right next to me and it hurt. i shouldnt care seeing that i didnt invite her to mine, but its really kicking in how we're barely hanging on to even call eachother "friends". so i mean, its ok. im fine with it. what can i do ya know? what can they do? nothing really so we're just going to have to move on. i think thats one of the reasons why im so excited to get this year over with. so that these "friendships" that are slowly deiing, can just die. thats really harsh and sounds alot worse than i mean it, but it would be for the best. we all need to move on. what really sucks is that i promised them i wouldnt be that gsa kid that just drops all their old friends. but that shouldnt be a label. it isnt a label. its just the convieniance and inconvieniance of things and its that fact that being in gsa is so fucking time consuming and its so easy to make friends with people there. its not being that gsa kid, but being a student at gsa that creates this new life. why am i stillllll letting this get to me. i love them. thats why. so much has changed about me, about them, about our lives (well mine) but the past hasnt. and the same time i say that, im saying i want our relationship to just die. well, to sum it all up, im sad, they arent, ill get over it.

quizzyquiz

so. i. am. taking. a. quiz. right. now. rightnow.
and im getting....unfocused, so ill blog. you know savannah, i figured that since you're the only one that reads this, i might as well just tell YOU THINGS.
so today was slow. like the rest of this week. i think this is the slowest week out of this whole year. i just need to stop thinking about school ending. the more i think about it, the slower it goes. no more. buuut now i have to go because sister needs computadora.
story of my life.

you know,

this whole itchy mouth and throat and constant sneazing and runny, watery right eye (ONLY THE RIGHT ONE) is getting really fucking old. and annoying. DAMN YOU SEASONAL ALLERGIES. CURSES TO YOUR MOTHER AND ALL THE LITTLE BACTERIA POLLEN SHITS THAT MOCK ME WHILE GOING DOWN MY NOSTRILS AND THROAT.
just go away please. like now. now would be good. kay thanks.

take my hand, take my whole life too

for i cant help falling in love with you.

vibeyvibeyvibeyvibes.
good day today i guess. good lesson tooo. left in a really good mood. which is unusual. usually i walk out of her house in an "okay" mood, slightly pissed off at myself. buut today was nice. i played welll and had a good talk and NEW MUSIC. god. i love moving forward. its so cheesy but its true.

april16th2010

DAY OF SILENCE.
on this day hundreds of thousands of students take a vow of silence to bring attention to anti-LGBT name calling, bullying, and harrassment in their schools.
even though im fortunate enough to not have to go through this, and deal witht this kind of harrassment, i still want to do my part and support the thousands of kids, teens, and adults that do. so next friday, i will not speak. i will not break. but i will show that i care. and this dilema is not okay.

mhm.

its like those mottoes men carved over the entrance of a castle and died for. it's a challenge in the face of something so vast and so dark, that all the pain on earth comes from that thing you are going to face. i dont know what it is, i dont know why it should be unleashed against you. I know only that it will be. And i know that if you carry your words through to the end, it will be a victory, not just for you, but for something that should win, that moves the world...yet never wins acknowledgment.

12 hours with my girl

too much fun. it should be like that everyday.

alot of things should happen everyday. that involve you. but! not in....4 months. you'll be gone.
its going to be wierd making that transition of you always being around, and hanging out with you all the time. and then....for maybe two years....or more, ill see you maybe 3 times a year? like physically see you. im not trying to be negative, just thinking outloud.

yea today was fun. i loved it. thanks babe.

wow. that was 355 days ago...

Savannah april 12, 2009
hey hows it going!
im the cellist you sat next to when you shadowed at GSA if you dont remember haha.
did you have a good time that day?


Savannah april 13, 2009
oh word word. im in 11th. you?
if you have any questions about GSA just let me know!
having a good break?


Savannah april 14, 2009
there are rumors its going to be out of the country. i've heard germany, vienna, other stuff. but they have been trying to get us out every year and we havent so im not getting my hopes up.
buut. jazz is going ot japan this year so maybe maybe. im currently in philidelphia visiting colleges. i've been to new england conservatory, berklee (AMAZING #1 for me right now) and manhattan school of music. tomorrow, temple school of music! its going to be a long week.


:)

just for saving purposes

If i had those magic eyes, then i could hear those emotionless, broken cries . get this universe to grab me and take me away, then lay this body down on a bed of hearts that have stayed. in this life, i think of beauty. and the hopes of becoming a new me. body heat, just go ahead and engulf what you threat. no longer do i worry of all these unfortunate regrets. and take those wild lips, pressing onto time, arguing the fierceness when pressed hard onto mine. this forever yearning, yearning of dreamt becoming, is slowly leaving this body, these nerves are stunning. Now, if i had those magic eyes, then i could reveal to the cruel world what im feeling inside. finally, take what is left of this mind, and left over strength will lead me to find amusement in life’s crimes.

marchtwentyfourthtwothousandten

she takes the alley back
around this building.
searching to find a part of her
that has always been missing.
out from my window
i can hear her heart
stop.
finally succumbing to the
number of times it has
fallen
apart.
i can feel her breath collapse,
air leaves her body,
as she stumbles to
hide behind her shadow
...haunting.
from somewhere unknown,
something grabs her insides,
pulling once more towards
the source of her cries.
down and out.
out and down.
i cant help but to see
this life on the ground,
struck by its own misery.
my want to save her heart
cant and wont suffice.
for she alone is the soul
that can save her own life.
thus,
i sit in pain and watch
this dream of a girl.
who cant seem to escape
being consumed by this
nightmare of a world.

you da you da best

i appreciate you so much. the fact that you would come to my house at 12 in the morning after a concert just to make sure i was ok, means everything. you barely had a plan, but you came and slept with me anyway. and thennnnnn you have to walk a THREE HOUR walk just to get back to your house in time to sleep before a THREE hour performance later in the afternoon....i mean, come on. who does that? who is crazy enough to even consider that? well, youre not crazy, but one of the most caring people i know. and the fact that you did this for me, makes me feel...well, cared about. im sorry for even making you worry. i cant make up any excuses for what i did, but im sorry that i even put you in that position. you dont deserve that, and i never want to scare you like i did last night again. never again. i cant promise that i wont fuck up in the future, just know that i do promise to never fuck up with my intention to hurt you. i love you babe. and thank you for being there.

sb

elly'ss os smartt. imma sssoooorrrrryyy. whaad my problem?you tell me . telme. cus immmmmmaaaa shitittittititittty. i luv you daddyyyy.

savannah

call me.

christ.

i want this work out, i do. but if something happens...if he EVER makes you cry again. so help me god.

ahha

got locked out tonight. it was nice actually, because it felt soooo good out.. i just layed out and looked at the stars. god im such a...osbvoebvoenv. but what can i say? i enjoyed being locked out, i didnt care. enough.
and i love laying being shirtless. you started this. my love of walking around, laying around, playing around, without a shirt. i guess i could just go completely naked, but eh. i like this for now. being naked is for...other moments.

baby

im crazy. baby you're crazy. baby, we're crazy.

YOU NEVER POST ANYTHING

yea i know. sorry ahha.
so here i am. posting. just for you. because you're the only one that reads this.
prom was amazing with you last night. every part of it was good because i was next to you. the dancing. the talking. the pictures. meeting mr.lucas. all of it. preprom dinner. post prom dinner. before all of that... at your house.
but the dinner stuff was a little.....frustrating. mostly because i knew how you must've been feeling with mr.asshole and all. sorry. but thats my name for him. so yeaaaaa. other than having to deal with his sublimital comments, i had alot of fun.
i honeslty almost cried when that greenday song played. you know, the last one. because i knew that was the only gsa prom i was going to have with you. and that none of them will be as good as that one, because i wont have you. BUT. last night was truely better then i expected it to be. and being with you is better than any relationship could ever be.

turn on:

your new piece. you playing that. its like. hispanic on top of hispanic. what could possibly be better?